Executive Functioning Challenges in Neurodiverse Relationships
Understanding Executive Functioning and Its Impact on Relationships
Couples’ relationships can be challenging even under the best circumstances—but when executive functioning struggles come into play, things can get even more complicated. Executive functioning skills help us stay organized, manage time, plan ahead, and follow through on tasks. But for many neurodivergent individuals, these skills don’t always come naturally, and that can lead to frustration, misunderstandings, and tension in a relationship.
For example, this is where neurodiverse couples therapy in Scottsdale, AZ can be incredibly helpful. A therapist who understands the unique dynamics of neurodiverse relationships can offer strategies to improve communication, balance responsibilities, and navigate executive functioning differences with more empathy and teamwork.
Common Executive Functioning Challenges in Relationships
If you or your partner struggle with things like keeping track of important items, remembering plans, or managing time effectively, you’re not alone. Executive functioning difficulties can show up in all kinds of ways in a relationship—from one partner feeling like they’re carrying the mental load to conflicts over forgotten commitments or unfinished tasks. But the good news? There are strategies that can help.
In this post, we’ll break down what executive functioning challenges look like in real life, how they impact neurodiverse relationships, and practical ways to navigate these struggles as a team.
What Are Executive Functioning Skills?
Executive functioning refers to a set of skills that helps us get things done. Some of the most commonly used executive functioning skills are:
Paying attention
Organizing objects
Time management
Planning
Organizing thoughts
Impulse control
Working memory (short-term memory)
Completing specific steps in a task (for example, following a recipe)
Just like many other things in life, executive functioning skills exist on a spectrum. It’s not something you either have or don’t have; and you can have excellent executive functioning skills in one area and significant challenges in another.
How Executive Functioning Issues Show Up in Daily Life
What do executive functioning issues look like in real life?
Difficulty paying attention
Easily distracted, may find it hard to read more than a few sentences
Organizing objects
May have lots of “junk” drawers or closets where things get tossed and forgotten about
Time management
Difficulty being on time for appointments, estimating how long something will take
Planning
Could get overwhelmed trying to plan a trip, a presentation, or even meal planning
Organizing thoughts
Difficulty creating something from scratch without structure or rules
Impulse control
May blurt things out without thinking about them first
Working memory (very short-term memory)
Easily forgetting things, even sometimes within a few minutes
Completing specific steps in a task (e.g. following a recipe)
Difficulty following directions to assemble something or cook a meal
The Impact of Executive Functioning Challenges on Relationships
These issues may or may not affect your relationship with your partner. For most neurodiverse couples, these issues can look like:
Difficulty paying attention
Partner feels like you’re not listening or you may miss important details
Organizing objects
Losing things around the house, including important things
Time management
Showing up late or not having enough time to follow through on things
Planning
Partner feels like all the responsibility is on them
Organizing thoughts
Can be difficult to communicate what you really mean
Impulse control
Partner feels frustrated when you interrupt them or say harsh things
Working memory (very short-term memory)
Forgetting to complete tasks or do something you said you would
Completing specific steps in a task (e.g. following a recipe)
Partner may feel frustrated when appliances/electronics don’t work properly after setup
A Real-Life Example: ADHD and Communication Struggles
Let’s take ADHD (Attention-Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) for example. Many people with ADHD can be very impulsive and have a hard time thinking before speaking. If you have ADHD, you may find that you often blurt things out quickly with your partner. Before you know it, you and your partner are in a huge blow up because you said something at the moment that upset your partner, even though it’s not really what you wanted to communicate. So a small disagreement explodes into a big fight in the blink of an eye because of that tendency to be impulsive. It sucks!
One of my ADHD traits is that I have trouble paying attention for too long, especially when the topic of conversation isn’t my thing. My husband loves to talk about cars. I try to listen, but I often end up daydreaming or doing something on my phone because it’s boring to me and I don’t understand half the words he uses. (I still don’t understand what a catalytic converter is or why I need to know about it).
So he’s talking about something really important to him and I’m kinda listening, kinda not. He gets really frustrated with me when he sees I’m only partially listening to him, which is completely valid! Compared to others, it probably takes extra effort for me to fully pay attention to his car talk because of my executive functioning issue.
This can end up causing a huge rift in our relationship because he feels disconnected from me.
The point here isn’t to find faults or criticize. The goal is to be aware of these executive functioning issues, how they impact your relationship, and work on improving them.
Strategies for Managing Executive Functioning Challenges as a Couple
Here are some of my best tips for neurodiverse couples to manage issues with executive functioning:
Don’t take on too much at once
Leads to overwhelm, lack of follow-through, and frustration from partner
Balance responsibilities
Have clear and agreed upon expectations for who does what and when
If you already have your disorganized “junk” areas, plan out days to organize each one and write them on a calendar
Time management issues?
Set alarms and reminders on your phone- technology can be a big help here!
When having conversations about important and/or sensitive topics
Take your time and write down notes so you don’t forget what you want to say
Writing things down is your friend
Explore different systems: apps, computer programs, pen and paper, voice memos
When you feel overwhelmed from lots of steps to complete:
Take a breath and slow down
Pick your battles
You won’t be able to tackle everything all at once (nobody can!)
Final Thoughts
Executive functioning challenges don’t have to derail your relationship. By understanding these struggles and working together, you and your partner can create a more supportive and connected relationship. If you’re looking for additional support, Fuzzy Socks Therapy offers compassionate guidance for neurodiverse couples. Couples therapy can also be a great resource to help you and your partner navigate these challenges with expert support from a skilled couples therapist.
Strengthen Your Relationship with Supportive Neurodivergent Couples Therapy in Scottsdale, AZ
If executive functioning challenges are creating frustration in your relationship, you’re not alone—support is available. Fuzzy Socks Therapy specializes in helping neurodivergent couples improve communication, balance responsibilities, and navigate daily struggles with more understanding. Start your journey toward a stronger connection with couples therapy in Scottsdale, AZ. Follow these three simple steps to get started:
Contact us or click here to book your free consultation to schedule your couples therapy session.
Meet with Lianna, an EFT & Gottman couples therapist.
Start building a stronger connection!
Additional Services Offered at Fuzzy Socks Therapy
At Fuzzy Socks Therapy, we understand that neurodivergent couples therapy is just one piece of the puzzle when it comes to your well-being. We also provide specialized support for neurodivergent individuals and kids, addiction therapy, coaching for neurodivergent parents, child therapy, social skills groups for neurodivergent kids and teens, and discernment counseling for couples navigating difficult choices. If you're not in Arizona, don’t worry—I offer online therapy for clients in Florida and Colorado. Want to learn more about how therapy can benefit your relationship? Check out my blog for helpful insights!
